Why am I always sick?

Alright. I think it is about time I share with you guys why I am always sick and missing blog posts. This is a pretty sensitive thing for me to go into great detail, and in all honesty it’s terrifying for myself to go through and I’m so self conscience over it. Some stuff here might be a little ” graphic” but it’s better to be honest and give you all the facts then to leave out important ones.

Back in September I was admitted to the ER and the University hospital. Close to a month before that I had started dealing with a lot of abdominal pain and I was having consistent bowl movements (B.M) TMI already I know. I was starting to see blood every time I went and I was so scared!!

I didn’t telly anyone until I was actually in the hospital. Why? I was embarrassed. I mean who likes talking about their butt, the toilet and everything that happens in between?!

Fast forward to the hospital. I go in and I am so grateful for the friends and family who were with me the whole time I was in there! I have blood taken and they did a sigmoid scope.

  1. Sigmoidoscopy is a procedure used to see inside the sigmoid colon and rectum. The sigmoid colon is the area of the large intestine nearest the rectum. 

After that was over I left the hospital being told I had Ulcerative colitis OR it could be proctitis. Basically the same thing just different locations of the colon that they affect.

Ulcerative colitis (UL-sur-uh-tiv koe-LIE-tis) is an inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) that causes long-lasting inflammation and ulcers (sores) in your digestive tract. Ulcerative colitis affects the innermost lining of your large intestine (colon) and rectum. Symptoms usually develop over time, rather than suddenly.

Alright cool. A diagnosis. Not something I really wanted to hear because as long as I can remember I have been terrified of having an incurable chronic or terminal disease. I’ve always been pretty healthy and this was the first time anyone has ever told me “ you are sick. We can’t cure this. This is your life now”. I cried when I got home. A mix of fear and pain. I mean I had never even hear of Colitis before!

I still felt pretty crappy once home and took almost a week off work to recover. Between doing daily enemas ( I don’t wish that on my greatest enemy), nothing but a liquid diet and a handful of pills I started feeling a little more normal. I didn’t have very any symptoms until my birthday, so a month ago.

I had a colonoscopy yesterday and they have ruled out Proctitis because the scope showed that my entire colon excluding the far right side is inflamed. More prescriptions have been given in an attempt to control my symptoms. The last thing I wanted to be put on we’re steroids but they doctor decided it was the best option right now.

It’s been 6 months since I fist found out about my condition and my life has totally changed. Being motivated to get out of bed some days is a struggle. I’m exhausted and my stoach hurts most days. I love the gym but most days I can barely finish a day of work without falling asleep on the commute home, so I’d rather sleep then go for a run. I used to have such high self confidence but between the lack of exercise and the bloating from the colitis, I’d rather wear a baggy sweater then all of my crop tops.

I’m so thankful for those in my life who have help me this past few months. My 2 best friends who sat in the emergancy with me and came and saw me while I was recovering. My boyfriend has been more then helpful. He amazing. He makes me feel better on the days I’m really sick, he makes me feel pretty when I’m in sweats and a hoody no makeup because it’s too much work, and most of all he’s a positive reinforcement and I will get this under control and will get better one day.

Long rant / story I know. But this is part of my life now. If you have any questions please please please feel free to ask!!

-H

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2 thoughts on “Why am I always sick?

  1. The more you talk about UC, the more comfortable you’ll be. Best wishes for you and remission. My husband has had an on/off flare for 3 years after 7 years of remission. It can drive you crazy!

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